Evolving, Self-Caring, Drinking Water & Ignoring Dumb Shit

FEBRUARY NEWSLETTER

Welcome to the reboot of my Substack!

That’s right, I’m back.

I’ve been trying to come back for a while now, but there was always something happening that got in the way. Something in the national or international news. Some accident, or murder, or natural disaster. Some illness that had been going around. Some new law that had recently been passed. Some old law that had recently been struck down by the Supreme Court. There was just so much going on in the world and I was subjecting my time, talents, mental health, and emotional resources and to whatever political, cultural, or personal winds blew through my life, and so were many of my friends. We were all just spinning in circles, overwhelmed by life, stunned to see what was becoming our world.

In early November, shortly after the U.S. General Elections, a friend called to see if I wanted to get a mani-pedi with her. “A mani-pedi?”, I asked. I sounded as though she’d asked me to volunteer to go to Ukraine to help their armed forces fight the Russians. (As if I’d ever do that!). But equally as confusing is why I would want to get a mani-pedi when an evil lizard and his slithering reptilian sycophants had just been handed the Executive and Legislative branches of the government, and they already effectively controlled the highest level of the Judicial branch? I said “no.” focused on furiously packing my belongings, intent as I was to put the house on the market and leave the country.

I ran myself into the ground. I spent the better part of January somersaulting toward a depressive episode. Whenever I feel myself coming undone in that way, I give myself over to poetry and song, for healing. I was reading a collection by the poet Andrea Gibson titled You Better Be Lightning, and this poem really spoke to what I was experiencing.

Wellness Check

In any moment,

on any given day,

I can measure

my wellness

by this question:

Is my attention on loving,

or is my attention on

who isn’t loving me?

———

Since coming across that poem, I have started asking myself that question every day, sometimes several times a day. Interestingly, in trying to figure out a way to move forward, I looked backwards for help. The 2020 Covid pandemic was a time of great stability and self-love for me. Yes, there was fear, illness, uncertainty, loss and grief all around, sometimes palpably so. But there was also—for me, that is—joy, friendship, laughter, good health, growth, and an intense sense of purpose. It’s when I started writing my Tee-shirt essays; I also started an online book club and was reading voraciously; I cooked three meals a day, every day; I walked and stretched every morning and felt healthier than I had in a long time. In short, I focused on the things that I loved and were life-affirming. It was my act of resistance.

I know that these times demand more because our democracy is under threat, and our civil rights are being stripped away, but the root of our resistance must still be love. Love of self. Love of others—those with whom we are in community, and those with whom we are not. Love of the things we do and experience. Love of this earth we call home.

We must lead with love. Love is always the answer—especially during those moments when we are fueled with rage, those moments when love feels too “soft”, too “yielding”, too “permissive” to effect any significant change. It is in those moments when we most need love.

Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr famously wrote that, “Darkness cannot drive out darkness, only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate, only love can do that.”

I’ve decided that the most loving things I can do for myself right now are: hydrate, meditate, stretch/exercise, laugh, connect with others in the real world, eat well, rest, sleep well (not the same as rest); mind my business, ignore dumb shit, focus my attention on coming up with creative, positive, and constructive responses, and immerse myself in joy.

What are the most loving things that you can do for yourself during these challenging times?